What is Shadowloss™?

Shadowloss is a loss IN life, not a loss OF life.

Shadowloss is a psychological tool developed by American thanatologist, Cole Imperi. It is a type of loss that has a multi-faceted impact on not only the life of an individual, but also the social network in that person’s life. Shadowlosses may or may not be associated with a death and are most often not. Shadowlosses impact a person’s social connections, status in the community, overall well-being and family relationships. Shadowloss is a non-clinical term–it is not a diagnostic tool. Instead, Shadowloss is a term an individual may choose to use to better describe the impact of a particular loss experience.

What are some examples of Shadowloss?

Examples of Shadowloss include but are not limited to:

  • divorce

  • bankruptcy

  • infertility

  • a global pandemic

  • getting fired unexpectedly

  • a significant medical diagnosis

  • estrangement

  • leaving a religious community

  • getting ghosted

Watch Cole’s TedX talk on Shadowloss

Cole Imperi will explain the concept of Shadowloss: A Shadowloss is a loss IN life, not OF life. In addition, her talk will further explain how people grief the loss of connection, relationships, friendships etc, in a similar way as a big death such as losing a person, animal, etc, in real life.

 

More on Shadowloss

Featured
Grief Doesn’t Get Easier, It Gets Familiar.
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology
Grief Doesn’t Get Easier, It Gets Familiar.
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology

We collect losses as we move through our lives. One after another. If we live a very long time, we’ll probably be able to look back and remember particularly rough years….somewhat brief periods of time that were seasoned with an impossible amount of loss. Sometimes we lose multiple loved ones within months or weeks of each other. Other times we experience multiple life-changing Shadowlosses in succession. Sometimes we define entire decades or chapters of life by our losses, using them as landmarks to find our way across the map of our lives.

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Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology
It’s the Loss That Hurt You, Not the Grief
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology
It’s the Loss That Hurt You, Not the Grief
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology

Grief isn’t the thing that makes life harder, it’s actually there to help you sort through the pain and the mess. But, we often displace our anger at the loss we have encountered, and direct it towards the grief, instead. Please don’t confuse the grief for the loss. The loss is what hurt you, not the grief.

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Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology
Grief is Earned
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology
Grief is Earned
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology

Grief is not something you are punished with. Grief is not an illness. Grief is not a battle. Grief is not a foreign intruder, taking up space inside you against your will. Grief is something that belongs to you. It is a part of you. It has always been there, and will continue to be there.

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Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology
Death is Not a Taboo, but Grief Is
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology, Food
Death is Not a Taboo, but Grief Is
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology, Food

It’s my opinion that Americans don’t have a taboo around death at all. The taboo is actually around grief. If America had a taboo around death, it wouldn’t be plastered everywhere.

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Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology, Food
Grief Needs Salt, Fat, Water and Heat
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology, Food
Grief Needs Salt, Fat, Water and Heat
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology, Food

These things won’t make the grief any easier, but they might make the process feel a little smoother. They’re not classes, treatments, or exercises either. They’re just salt, fat, water and heat. In my years working with death, dying, grief and loss from all the angles that I have, I have found four things that tend to work well for 99% of grieving humans. Grieving people need salt, fat, water and heat.

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Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology, Food
Grieving? Read Romance.
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology
Grieving? Read Romance.
Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology

I’ve made a change—I no longer recommend books directly about grief to people that are actively grieving. I used to reply with a selection of educational grief, death and dying books. But, my mind has been changed. I now recommend reading romance to those that are actively grieving, and suggest saving the more academic or education-type books for when the grief has settled a bit.

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Column: Grief or Madness, Shadowloss, Grief, Thanatology