This book unexpectedly arrived one day in early March, sealed in a padded envelope. I flipped to the first page which gave the definition of heartwood:

1. the older harder nonliving central wood of trees that is usually darker, denser, less permeable, and more durable than the surrounding sapwood (Merriam-Webster)

2. a teaching by the Buddha comparing the layers of a tree—the twigs and leaves, outer bark, inner bark, sapwood—to the spiritual discoveries that may distract a seeker before they come to realize the unshakable deliverance of mind, or “heartwood” (Mahasaropama Sutta)

And I was hooked. I finished the book the next day. What a beautiful way to value our loss experiences—these things that become heartwood within us.

Heartwood is a memoir written by Barbara Becker due for release on May 11, 2021. As a thanatologist, death educator, deathworker, chaplain and person-who-witnesses-and-experiences-loss, I have found that I really value reading about the experiences of others who work with and think about death and loss.

Becker shares meaningful vignettes from her various roles in life (friend, daughter, mother, hospice volunteer, New York City resident on 9/11, girlfriend, etc.) and from her various losses in life: miscarriages, friends, colleagues, patients, a sense of safety, parents, etc.) There’s a lot here a reader could connect with, and a lot of experiences a reader could learn from.

One thing I really enjoyed was how artfully Becker touched on more nuanced loss experiences. This is something I think any deathworker would benefit from reading. For example, her father’s first wife—Maureen—tragically died very early in their marriage. Her father eventually remarried and the author shares how she came to understand that ultimately, she exists because Maureen died. And Maureen was special to her, even though they never met. That’s a very specific loss experience, and one I think a lot of people can connect with, but not something you see written about very often.

I really enjoyed this book. Heartwood illuminates what a life happily intertwined with death and loss can look like. Becker is a non-anxious presence to the reader—which is no easy thing in the world of death and dying literature.

¶ Here’s a link to the author’s website: http://barbarabecker.com

¶ And the book is available for pre-order now from your favorite bookseller.

Disclosure Statement: I received a complimentary copy of this book. The choice to read and review it is my own. I received no compensation.